Would the real Ramaphosa please stand up? Top five reasons why he will not.

A man appeared on TV last night. He was a very lucky man because for some reason Eskom had forgotten to switch off the power at the time of the recording. So the lights in his little stoep remained on. He also didn’t wear a mask. Which is why one could see that he looked a bit like the former President of South Africa, another man by the name of Cyril Ramaphosa. We can be quite sure that the guy last night wasn’t quite himself. Here are our top five reasons why the man on the telly wasn’t our President but just an actor:

Reason number five:

The real Ramaphosa would not have told us to wear a mask for protection while not protecting himself from the dangers of the magic virus. He would also have known that the virus does not have a watch and that shifting a curfew would neither add to nor take away from the immense danger it poses and that, therefore, his announcement would be non-sensical.

Reason number four:

The real Ramaphosa would know that there is a pending charge for Contempt of Court, against his current superior, Dlamini. Even under the most modest interpretation of the Government’s own version, the promulgation of a “Level 3” would bring her dangerously close to such criminal charge. If LFN wanted to, it could bring this charge directly under Criminal Procedure. The real Ramaphosa would not do this to his boss. Not because he might like her that much but because unpleasant repercussions might follow.

Reason number three:

The real Ramaphosa would know that, theoretically, he may still be the President. There is probably a tag on the office door or something. De facto, however, there is only one person in this country who is equipped with presidential balls; and that person is the Minister of Cooperative Governance, Dlamini-Zuma. And she will remain “The Man” for as long as the Disaster Management Act regulates all goings-on in this country. So, whatever the chap on the telly said, he said it as Dlamini’s spokesperson, not as himself. The real Ramaphosa would know that. The actor on the telly didn’t.

Reason number two:

The media said so. The telly clearly showed at the bottom of the screen that they thought it was the real Ramaphosa. But, as we all know the media cannot be trusted to get anything right. They cannot even count to 10: last week they published their fattest canard ever: the story of the ten non-existing babies: first they were newly born by the same mother, then they disappeared and not even the hospital where they were allegedly born could find them and suddenly, the babies had gone into hiding. For safety, of course. We recall that this masterpiece of stupidity was first published by Pretoria News. If they cannot even properly count two handsfull of little children, should we trust them when it comes to something of importance? You know the answer.

Reason number one:

The real Ramaphosa always wears a mask, even when he runs away from his fist-swinging comrades at Luthuli House. For great entertainment to celebrate this wonderful Youth Day, we suggest to everybody to watch the video, over and over, where the real Ramaphosa runs away from Magashule.

LFN wishes all its members and supporters a funny Youth Day. Let’s “Stick it to the Man” and go to our poll on our Telegram News Channel @libertyfightersnews

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